Well the year is almost over and I have a lot to look back on. There are good memories, ones of late night Dt Coke runs, or of jumping in the lake and freezing the whole way home. And with every good memory, can also come not so good ones. There were many long nights spent in tears, over boys, over lost friends, over fights. There was pain, and hardships. College isn't easy. Being picked on, made fun of and ridiculed is hurtful. But losing a friendship over something silly hurts worse. This year I have had to learn the hard way that sometimes letting go, although hard, is going to be better for you. I thought that maybe, finally, I had found out what love is. I was ready to finally settle down. And then, twice, it turned on me. He ended up not being who I thought he was, and betraying my trust. Its hard to trust again once someone has so badly hurt you. There were some days where I don't even know how I made it through without losing my head. Many times when I wanted so badly to just cry and cry, but yet the tears wouldn't come. Those are the days that made me stronger. They made me who I am now. Everyone makes mistakes, small or large, they are mistakes that can be hard to overcome. But almost always, there is a lesson to be learned.
I leave for BYU-Idaho in 17 days, and couldn't be happier. I feel like it is the right place for me to be, living with my grandparents and cousin, yet something has me down about it. I have never lived away from my parents before, and it is going to be really hard adjusting to not being with them. Not having them there to proof read my papers and listen to my crazy ideas and plans. I will miss running to the store with Mom, or visiting Dad at work every Wednesday. Life is going to be so different away from what I have always known. It already is different because I quit the job I have worked at for nearly 3 years. I worked there all through High School and my first two semesters of College. I know it will be hard, but nothing is supposed to be easy. Life throws us challenges, and overcoming them is how we become better people. I want to be the absolute best I can be, inside and out, so that I can be ready for whatever my future throws my way. Everyone tells me I should serve an LDS Mission, but it doesn't feel like the right thing to do. People tell me that I will be married in the next short while, and to be honest, as much as I would like that, getting married scares me and I know that I am not ready. Not yet. Heck, I am scared to even live away from my parents right now.
All I can say is that whatever life throws at me next, I hope I have the courage to get through it, and I hope I have chosen the right people to stand by me.
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