I love these crazy boys! I am the oldest of 6 children and have 5 younger brothers (Damon is not pictured...). I'm gonna miss all of them while I am serving my Mission in Tuxtla Gutierrez Mexico!

Mission Farewell

I have had quite a few people who have asked me to send them my talk I gave in sacrament meeting. I really opened up about my life in this talk and made it very personal. I hope that by sharing what I know to be true, I can help others find their own conversion. Enjoy!

         Everyone has a story. And each story is different. Some stories are sad. Some are happy. Some have rough middles, and some are practically fairytales straight out of a story book. Many years ago in Aberdeen, South Dakota, a mother and her daughter let two young men into their home. These young men were not just any men. They were Missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The Mother and Daughter were changed for life. These women were my Grandma and her Mother. I would like to share in my Grandma’s own words, her conversion story.

 “I was born and raised in Aberdeen, South  Dakota.  I am the oldest of seven children.  I feel so very fortunate to have been taught by the missionaries.  The elders were tracting and they came by in the middle of the day and my mother invited them in.  They began talking about the Book of Mormon.  They gave her a copy and she immediately began reading.  They came back the next time and she had a testimony that the Book of Mormon was true.  Although the missionaries usually came during the day, my mother and I talked a lot about the Book of Mormon and we both began reading it.  I knew the church was true and my mother and I were going to be baptized.  I was the only one of us children that was old enough.  My dad wasn’t interested in the church, but he gave us permission.  I was so excited about it and went running over to tell my mother’s mother, my grandmother.  I told her about how we were going to be baptized.  When she was growing up, she had heard so many things about the Mormon church which were not true.  She told my dad these things and he would no longer give us permission to be baptized.  As I was growing up, I was only able to go to church occasionally but I knew the church was true.  I knew that it might have to be some time; I didn’t know how long: but I knew it would be a while before I could join.  I attended Northern State College for one year and then when I was almost 19, I decided it was time for me to join.  I decided after prayer, that Denver was the place to go.  It was so important for me to be able to join the church and to also be around young people that were my age.  One of the things I had dreamed about ever since I was a young child was to be married in the Salt Lake Temple.  Being a convert, it was the temple that was most familiar to me.  When I went to Denver, the first Sunday I was there, I looked up the address of the chapel in the phone book and I walked to the chapel which I think was about a mile away.  I was so excited that day when I saw the missionaries.  I went over and told them that I wanted to be baptized.  They said that I would have to have the discussions first.  I felt I was ready but they said I had to have them.  I had one lesson each Wednesday for six weeks.  I thought that was a long time to wait but it turned out to be a blessing because my best friend Linda Jones went to Denver with me and I invited her to also have the discussions with me.  We were able to be baptized the same night.”

After reading my Grandma’s story, I realized that her waiting to be baptized gave her the opportunity to be a missionary even before she had been baptized.  Her mother, Great Grandma Alice, had a testimony of the gospel and was thrilled that her daughter was finally a baptized member.  Great Grandma Alice never had the opportunity to be baptized while she lived on the earth.  She lived her life with faith, filled her time with family history work, scripture study, and prayer waiting for her opportunity to come.  Finally, on September 2, 1982, exactly one year after her death, our family went to the temple and did her temple work for her.

Faith led both Grandma and Great Grandma Alice to act.  They both followed the promptings of the spirit, studied the scriptures, and lived “Firm and steadfast in the faith” (Helaman 15:8).

Having a testimony that something is true isn’t enough though. You must also be converted. So what is the difference between having a testimony of something and truly being converted? If you know something to be true, you have a testimony of it. If you change your life to live a different way, then you have been converted. Elder Bednar said ‘Knowing the gospel is true is the essence of a testimony. Consistently being true to the gospel is the essence of conversion. We should know the gospel is true, and be true to the gospel.”

 For me, growing up in a home where we always had the gospel, where we tried each day to live the teachings of the church, to pray together as a family, to read our scriptures, to attend our meetings, and have family night each week, I grew up with a small testimony of my own. When I was a young girl, my Mom or Dad would help me write my testimony down before I went up to share it in sacrament meeting or primary. We have saved all of those testimonies and it is fun to look back on them and see that with the first few, we used pictures to help remind me what I wanted to share. Then as I grew older, the pictures turned into words until I didn’t need any help to share what I knew to be true.  As I grew and had different experiences, my testimony grew stronger and led me to my own conversion.

When I went on trek a few years ago with the youth in our ward, we were given the opportunity to walk for an ancestor.  I chose my 6^th great grandma, Jane Bachelor Wilde.  She was given the opportunity to join the church in England. On her 16^th birthday she was baptized-alone-the only member of her family to join. In 1859 she followed the counsel of the brethren and moved with her husband and his family, who were also converts, to America.  She left behind her family to go to Zion.  After getting to America, her family used handcarts to walk to Utah.  It was not an easy trip.  Jane was pregnant with her third child and already had a 6 year old boy and a 4 year old girl.  Soon after starting their long journey, her husband got sick with dysentery and he ended up riding the whole way in the sick wagon.  Because her husband was sick, Jane pulled her handcart alone. There were many days when her children would fall behind and they would send back a scout on a horse to bring the children to the night camp. Some days, Jane herself would fall behind and they would send people back  to help her pull her handcart to the camp. Although she had trials, Jane’s heart had been converted; she did not stop; she went forward knowing that the burning testimony in her heart would carry her to Zion.  Five days after entering the valley, she had a healthy baby boy. What an amazing role model she is for me. I look at how strong she had to have been and how much faith she must have had to leave everything behind, her family and the life she knew, to travel to a distant land, not knowing what would lie ahead. And then to top it all off she was pregnant! Jane not only knew the church was true, she lived her life in a way that the people around her saw her faith and her determination to live the gospel and keep the commandments. She was a truly converted woman.  

Elder Bednar helps us understand what conversion truly is.  He said, “Conversion brings a change in ones beliefs, heart and life to accept and conform to the will of God and includes a conscious commitment to become a disciple of Christ.”  He goes on to say, “Conversion requires all of our heart, all of our might and all of our minds and strength.” Missionaries for our church go out and teach the gospel to those who don’t know what we know. They teach by and through the spirit and hope that the people will feel the spirit and have a desire to change, to learn more, to become like us. To know the truth. It is when this happens, that the investigators become truly converted. Just like Elder Bednar said, they will feel the change in their hearts and they will know it is true.

President Marion Romney said ‘A testimony comes when the Holy Ghost gives the earnest seeker a witness of the truth. A moving testimony vitalizes faith. That is, it induces repentance and obedience to the commandments. Conversion is the fruit or the reward for repentance and obedience.” I would like to focus on a few words he says. He points out that the Holy Ghost is there to help, but that he will help the ‘earnest seeker’. It doesn’t say he will help the couch potato. We have to be seeking the truth. We have to be looking for the answers ourselves before he will step in and help. When I was trying to decide what to do with my life after high school, I was in a rut. I was stuck. I didn’t want to go to school. I didn’t want to work. I didn’t have any passions or any idea of what I wanted to do with my life. I would ask the Lord what to do, but I never got a straight answer. I know that this is because I wasn’t trying to figure it out on my own. I went to the community college and took some pretty pointless classes. I didn’t save any money that I made and I went shopping a few too many times. It wasn’t until the second year after I had been graduated that I found a direction to go in. I was at my grandparents apartment in Salt Lake City watching the October 2012 General Conference with them when Elder Bednar gave his talk on Conversion. I didn’t know why this talk stuck out to me so much at the time, but sometime during his talk, I wrote a question in my margins. It said, ‘do I need to go to BYU-Idaho?’  From that day on, for the next few weeks I could not stop thinking about Idaho. For some reason that is where I needed to be. I was surprised how quickly I was accepted, got into all the classes I wanted and before I knew it I was driving up to school for my first experience of living away from home. If I hadn’t been seeking to know what I was supposed to do, I probably would have never received that revelation. I would have not experienced that fruit or reward for my obedience that President Romney talked about. 

In Helaman chapter 15 Samuel the Lamanite gives us 5 steps to becoming converted to the Lord. The first one is that we must believe. This is your testimony. A testimony is everything that you believe, so when you have gained a testimony, you are ready to move on to Samuels’ second step which is to exercise faith in the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Just like Jane had faith to leave her family in England, and my Great Grandma Alice had faith that she would someday be a baptized member and my own Grandma had faith that she would be able to join the church in Denver, we also need to have faith that when we rely on the Lord after doing all that we are able, he will help us reach our goals. He will protect us and help to guide us.

Third, Samuel teaches us that we need to repent when we have made a mistake. I have felt my Saviors love for me while going through the repentance process and I know that the atonement is real. I know that my Savior suffered for me, and each of you, so that we can feel clean and pure once again. I know that when we turn to the Lord and seek help to overcome our temptations, trials, fears, or anything that we are going through, we can feel His arms around us. Choosing to live the gospel and to keep the commandments can seem hard. And it definitely is not always going to be easy. But I can testify that when you don’t strictly obey, you won’t find happiness. You will be in a dark and dreary place where nothing seems to ever be going right for you. It’s hard to take a step back and realize that you need help. My semester in Idaho, although I knew it was where I was supposed to be, I was just coming out of a dark time in my life and it was hard. I would put on a smile every day and say that I was happy, and sometimes I was happy. But I always had a pit in my stomach telling me that I wasn’t.  I grew very close to my Bishop who helped me see my full potential. He helped me see all the amazing things I had going on in my life and the wonderful people I was surrounded by. He helped me overcome my dark period full of fears and doubts and helped me to move forward. It was while I was attending BYU-Idaho that I decided I wanted to serve a mission. The very first Sunday that I was back home, I went to my Bishop in my singles ward and started my Mission papers. I got my temple recommend for the first time in over a year and I started going to the temple. Weekly. I am so thankful that my Best friend Hannah was there through it all with me. She was preparing for her own mission and helped me in preparing for mine. I changed the way I lived, the way I thought and the things I would say. I took Samuel’s 4^th step and experienced a change of heart. Now, I am working on his 5^th step which is to become firm and steadfast in the faith. I strive every day to be a better person. I strive to strengthen my testimony by sharing it with those I surround myself with. I strive to love my family and try to keep an eye out for those who might be in need of help. It is my goal to help those around me find the same truth, the same light that I found. I want everyone to be converted just as I was.

Elder Bednar said, “Testimony alone is not and will not be enough to protect us in the latter-day storm of darkness and evil in which we are living. Testimony is important and necessary but not sufficient to provide the spiritual strength and protection we need. Some members of the Church with testimonies have wavered and fallen away. Their spiritual knowledge and commitment did not measure up to the challenges they faced.”  I believe it is our experiences that will make us stronger in the gospel. I mentioned that I went on trek. I went twice, once when I was 14 and the second when I was 18. The first time, I had fun, but it didn’t leave an impact on my life. The second time I came home with a different love and appreciation for what my ancestors had to go through. It was by experiencing just a portion of what Jane had to go through that I could feel how much faith she had to have to endure all that she did. Another experience I had was being in a fireside choir called From The Heart while I attended BYU-Idaho. We put together an hour long fireside program and then performed it weekly throughout the semester. All of our songs focused on finding the light of Christ. How appropriate that topic was for me. The Lord knew that those songs were exactly what I needed to hear. We sang the song, My Shepherd will Supply My Need. In the song, we sang, ‘When I walk through the shades of death, thy presence is my stay. One word of thy supporting breath drives all my fears away… there would I find a settled rest while others go and come, no more a stranger nor a guest, but like a child at home.’ I love the words, but like a child at home. This whole song is about the Savior always being there for us, in every need, in every situation. I felt the spirit so strongly every time we would share our testimonies through this song.  Our last song in our program was about arising and letting your light shine. It was about going forth and sharing your light with everyone around you.  I know that I will take these experiences along with many other countless experiences I have had, and I will use them to help share the gospel in Mexico. I am so excited to have been called to serve, as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints. I know I have been called to Tuxtla Mexico for a reason. I am so excited to learn Spanish! I am so thankful for my friends and family who have helped push me to get to this point in my life. I am so glad that my Grandma had the faith to join the church alone to bring the gospel to the rest of us. I am thankful that my Dad was raised in a home with parents who lived and loved the gospel. I am so blessed to have wonderful examples of missionaries in my family, having both grandparents serve couple missions, and cousins who have gone and are serving missions right now. I am so thankful that I have had a wonderful job with wonderful coworkers and an amazing boss who all support me in my choice to go. I am so thankful to have a best friend who is always willing to let me vent and cry and get angry, and never give up on me and who I know will always be there for me.  I am thankful for my parents who have helped me get ready for my mission my whole life by raising me in the gospel. By teaching me how to cook and clean and do laundry and be a hard worker. I am grateful for their examples. I am thankful to live in a house full of boys. I love each and every one of my brothers and their cute personalities. I am so thankful for the atonement. I am thankful for my savior. I know this is the true church and cannot wait to help find those who need to be taught and help them to find their own testimonies and be converted to the Gospel and to the Lord. I love my Savior and I say these things in the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Mexico Bound!!

Well these last 9 Months have completely flown past! I finished up the semester at BYU-Idaho in April and came back home to Utah. I was hired back on at Chick Fil A South Jordan and filled my time with working full time there. I also made the biggest decision I have had to make yet in my life... I chose to serve an LDS Mission!! I submitted my papers in June and received my call a few short weeks later. I have been called to Serve as a Sister Missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and have been assigned to labor in the Mexico Tuxtla Gutierrez Mission!! I am so excited for this new adventure. Here it is, October 1st and I leave for the Provo MTC on October 16th. Barely two weeks away!! I am excited, nervous, scared, happy, and sad all at the same time! I know it will be hard, but I also know that this is where the Lord wants me!!
My best friend and soul sister, Hannah Avery, is currently serving her own mission in Vinea Del Mar Chile (Yes, I know I probably spelled that city wrong...) She absolutely loves it!! I am so thankful for technology and the ability to email her and receive emails from her every week. They have helped me to become even more excited for my own mission to begin!!
Michael DeLaTorre, my other best friend, is currently in FRANCE! He graduated in May of this year from the University of Utah (go UTES!) and got a job over there at a school! He loves France so how cool is it that he gets to live there for this next year! I miss both Mike and Hannah so much! I feel pretty empty without my two best pals around all the time!
Tomorrow is my last day at CFA. I am pretty sad actually to be leaving there. They really have become like my second family! (It was bound to happen, since I feel like I never leave! I'm always working, but I love my job so its okay!) I have the BEST boss and coworkers ever! I feel like I have become really close to a lot of them!
I am excited and nervous to see how these next 18 months of my life play out. It is going to be quite the adventure. I have never been out of the country, and I have never been away from my mom for that long. It will be hard, but I know it will be worth it. I'll never be able to experience a mission again and I am grateful that I get the opportunity to do it now!
Who knows what will happen when I get home, where I will be, where I will go to school, live, the friends I will have. But I am ready for whatever comes my way!!

Same Old, Same Old....

Wow, time really has flown by. I have been living in Rexburg, Idaho for 3 weeks as of today. It has been hard getting used to the weather being below zero (every single morning), and not having Mom there to talk to, but it has been nice. I feel like I have grown lots just by being away from my 'normal' life. Living with Grandma and Grandpa has taken some getting used to. They are so nice and sweet to me. Living with my cousin, Hannah, has also been nice. I was worried about how it would be, living with not only a cousin I wasn't very close to, but for the first time ever, living with a girl. I have grown up with 5 younger brothers and it is very different now not having little boys around. I am happy that we have become so close already. We always have our bonding time-late night snacks. I find myself looking forward to when she comes home so that I can unload what happened during my day and I can hear about how hers went as well.
Finding the motivation to do homework and practice harp has been hard. I am trying to convince myself that school is a good thing, but I'm not quite there yet. It just all seems so pointless. Maybe its because I don't have a long term goal of where I want to be, what I want to do... Lets just say that it is a very good thing I took all 'easy' classes this semester. I am taking only 13 credit hours which has been a blessing because even though they are easier classes, there has been a ton of homework each week. I am taking Intro to Literature, German 1, Math 100, Book of Mormon, Harp Ensemble and I also signed up for a private harp lesson with Sister Sheri Pack. I took the opportunity to audition for a student run choir called 'From the Hart' and I was surprised and happy when I saw that I made it! We will be singing at many firesides, for devotional and are also going on tour to Salt Lake City, Utah in March.
This semester will hold many trials, many hardships and will have days of loneliness. But it will also be a wonderful growing experience. I have already grown up a lot.  I miss my Utah friends, I miss my family. I miss my best friend. But I will see them often enough. I have the opportunity to go home tomorrow and be with them for the whole weekend. I am so glad that I live so close to them. 4 hours really isn't that far away!!

New Beginnings Never Were Easy

Well the year is almost over and I have a lot to look back on. There are good memories, ones of late night Dt Coke runs, or of jumping in the lake and freezing the whole way home. And with every good memory, can also come not so good ones. There were many long nights spent in tears, over boys, over lost friends, over fights. There was pain, and hardships. College isn't easy. Being picked on, made fun of and ridiculed is hurtful. But losing a friendship over something silly hurts worse. This year I have had to learn the hard way that sometimes letting go, although hard, is going to be better for you. I thought that maybe, finally, I had found out what love is. I was ready to finally settle down. And then, twice, it turned on me. He ended up not being who I thought he was, and betraying my trust. Its hard to trust again once someone has so badly hurt you. There were some days where I don't even know how I made it through without losing my head. Many times when I wanted so badly to just cry and cry, but yet the tears wouldn't come. Those are the days that made me stronger. They made me who I am now. Everyone makes mistakes, small or large, they are mistakes that can be hard to overcome. But almost always, there is a lesson to be learned.
I leave for BYU-Idaho in 17 days, and couldn't be happier. I feel like it is the right place for me to be, living with my grandparents and cousin, yet something has me down about it. I have never lived away from my parents before, and it is going to be really hard adjusting to not being with them. Not having them there to proof read my papers and listen to my crazy ideas and plans. I will miss running to the store with Mom, or visiting Dad at work every Wednesday. Life is going to be so different away from what I have always known. It already is different because I quit the job I have worked at for nearly 3 years. I worked there all through High School and my first two semesters of College. I know it will be hard, but nothing is supposed to be easy. Life throws us challenges, and overcoming them is how we become better people. I want to be the absolute best I can be, inside and out, so that I can be ready for whatever my future throws my way. Everyone tells me I should serve an LDS Mission, but it doesn't feel like the right thing to do. People tell me that I will be married in the next short while, and to be honest, as much as I would like that, getting married scares me and I know that I am not ready. Not yet. Heck, I am scared to even live away from my parents right now.
All I can say is that whatever life throws at me next, I hope I have the courage to get through it, and I hope I have chosen the right people to stand by me.

My Future...

As I have gone through these last couple of weeks, I have been thinking a lot about my future, what I want to do, who I want to be and the kind of people I want to be with. Especially who I want to eventually marry. I made a short (ish) list of what I want to look for in my future spouse.
1. He needs to Honor his Priesthood
2. Live and love the gospel
3. He has to be good with kids. It makes a guy so much more attractive if he loves playing with young children!!!
4. He has to be taller than me (not too hard cause I'm only 5'5"...)
5. Being spontaneous is always a major plus!
6. He has to be a romantic... the kind of guy who would bring me flowers at work, or school... just because he can!
I am sure that there is more, but I really just would want a man who loves me for me!!

He Knows Our Need, He Hears Our Silent Prayers

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, they got better! I chose to go to Institute and it seriously made my day all better. I had a bad attitude and felt really worthless and then I went to that class and was silently reminded that the Lord is always there for us. I felt the spirit so strongly and felt so loved and welcomed by everyone who was there. Being reminded of this past weekend, Conference Weekend, and the things I learned and heard, it helped me put a smile on my face. It helped me realize that I do have a purpose in life and I do have goals that I want to accomplish. The Church is true. I know that now. The Lord hears our prayers, even when sometimes we don't say it out loud, he still hears us. He knows what we need and will send us people who can help us get through the trials we are facing. I love this gospel that I am privileged to be apart of. I am so blessed!!