Am I alone?

You know those days when nothing seems to go right? Those days when no matter how hard you try to do the right thing, it still seems to be the wrong thing? Or when everything gets blamed on you for no apparent reason? Today has been that day.

I thought that life is supposed to get easier when you are okay with who you are and when you find a purpose for living. Well maybe I just haven't found the right purpose? Maybe I live each day for the wrong reasons? Maybe there is something else I should be doing-- something else I should be looking forward to each day? But if that is the case, what is my purpose? Do I really need to go back to the basic question of 'Why am I here?'

Life is full of lessons to learn, people to try and please and trials to face. But I am still young, I want to be young, wild, and free-- free to do what I want, when I want and not have to deal with daily problems. But I know I can't. I know that I have responsibilities. I know that I have obligations. But I need time to my self. I need to find out who I am before I can try to help others, and isn't that what everyone's goal should be? To try and always lift others up instead of seeking out ways to put them down? Maybe I am trying too hard to be something I am not, but what else can you do when the world is just pushing you down that path? What else do you do when you are standing alone, completely alone, in everything that you do? Being alone is hard. It is hard to not be liked by everyone. To have people who openly hate and mock you on a daily basis. It makes you wonder if the people who are your 'friends' really are, or if they are just like the rest of them. What do they say about you when you are not there? Are your secrets really safe with them? Who do you trust when you feel so alone? No one.

Choosing to be truly happy can be hard when there is so much trying to tear you down. But it is still a choice, a choice you ultimately have to make alone, and for yourself. Even if it means that you have to learn lessons the hard way, even if it means that when life throws trials at you, you face them with a good attitude, and you work through it and then move on. Choosing to be happy is the harder road in life. We all want the easy way in life, which is going to be choosing to let everything upset you. We all do it. We all have bad days. We all face trials and let them bring us down. But what if we don't? What if we take a stand against it? What if we choose to change?

I might be alone. I might not have the easy life. But I am strong because of my trials. I know that trials are just a bump in the road of life and with faith both in God and in myself, I can get through anything. It will be hard, but it will be worth every minute of it in the end.

So who do you trust? You!! What to do you when you are lost? Follow what is in your heart, what you feel inside and what you and only you believe you should do. Because who knows you better then yourself? No one! Don't let anyone guide your life. It is yours, so make it what you want it to be.